If you have been living under a rock for the past couple of months you’re probably Patrick Star, and you haven’t heard of the storm that is due to hit the US this winter/spring season. Meteorologists are predicting this will be a massive tempest, some have said we should think of it as a mixture of “The Perfect Storm” starring Tinseltown heartthrob George Clooney, and “Cloverfield” featuring shaky camera. All Hollywood blockbusters aside, if you are going to be braving the elements during this catastrophic event then we’d like to help keep you dry, and looking fly with these cool umbrellas.
Tell the rain how you really feel as you saunter around spotless with this hilariously inappropriate umbrella. It is believed that the middle finger gesture first came to the United States via Stone Cold Steve Austin’s ancestors. We kid, it is actually believed that it came here via Italian immigrants, but the gesture dates as far back as the Classical era, talk about staying power!
We understand that there are some people who lean a little more toward the pacifist side, and prefer to kindly ask the rain gods to keep their clearance outfit dry. For those few we’ll suggest this Keep Dry umbrella, since it bears the universal signal for “keep this package dry.” Let’s just hope Mother Nature is better at that than the postal service.
If your commute involves walking through a dark alley lined with foes, you can fend off the baddies with this intimidating samurai umbrella. If the evildoers are persistent, and you are forced to brandish your ancient weapon then you can go ahead and whip out your umbrella and…keep them dry?
There are times when we prefer to remain completely oblivious to everything falling apart around us, when the window to the outside world is rose colored, but only because our building is on fire…Sorry, I was just out walking in the rain with a normal umbrella! Did you notice how depressed and morose I began to sound? Don’t let you become me, get yourself this overly optimistic umbrella, and always be under a clear blue sky. Rest assured it will lift your spirits, even if your home insurance doesn’t cover flood damage.