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I can recall as a child in a flower costume taking a peek at the plastic bowl held by a stranger who answered the door on Halloween night, anxious to see what kind of goodies might be bestowed on me. Sometimes, the multiple wrapped ends sticking out between their fingers meant the more the merrier; other times, a stuffed Halloween treat bag meant the merriment was a mystery, but merriment nonetheless. And yet other times, there was disappointment, questions, annoyance, and general confusion: how could this happen? Who would do that? Bad Halloween candy happens, and it’s happened to the best of us. Bland, hard, bitter, unwrapped: some Halloween treats are just shameless tricks. Today, we list our top ten worst Halloween candies everrrr in a somewhat-intentional order.
With the exception of candy corn (which, in itself, can be debated by some), the entire line of Brach’s candy was put in Halloween treat bags by the devil himself– or at least some dude dressed like a devil. Somebody definitely wanted to ruin Halloween when they thought of giving these.
Does anyone like these? Anyone? As a kid, I used to eat these in between eating my favorite pieces of Halloween candy– you know, as a palate cleanser.
A cute box can’t hide the nastiness within. Reminiscent of pills, Good & Plenty might serve a better purpose as rodent bait or punishment for misbehaving children.
Show us a person who likes black licorice candy and we’ll show you someone who likes Good & Plenty and has NO idea what candy is supposed to taste like. How does something that looks like tire fragments and coats your mouth like oil qualify as candy?
True story: I once received a handful of Goldfish crackers in return for dressing up like a ninja. Granted I still ate them during my Halloween night trek, anything without a wrapper is just plain bogus, unhygienic, or dangerous.
Another true story. Except they weren’t handed out as treats for trick-or-treaters, but rather thrown for amusement for teenagers.
Yet ANOTHER true story. Imagine reaching into your treat bag to see what little sweets await your salivating mouth to find something that won’t even biodegrade. Plus, there’s that added deception of thinking your treat bag (or pillow case, if you were really hopeful) was filling up when it really just had Earth’s rejects in it. No one wants to be the kid whose Halloween played out just like Charlie Brown’s.
Really. Giving absolutely nothing for Halloween? The worst. Worse than black licorice? Yes. Worse than eggs?? YES. At least when you have bad Halloween candy, you’ve still earned some reward. When you receive nothing for painting your face and looking ridiculous out in public, you might as well join the kid who got a rock for Halloween.
Some people don’t mind giving out cheap Halloween candy, thinking that children won’t know the difference because it’s still candy. Well, guess what, cheap neighbors? We knew. And so did you when you found TP all over your lawn. Kids are dressing up like dummies for your entertainment. Throw them a bone here– actually, no, don’t do that, throw them some good candy!