Fun Goods. Awesome Living.

Bad Candy: Top 10 Worst Halloween Treats EVER

Bad Candy

I can recall as a child in a flower costume taking a peek at the plastic bowl held by a stranger who answered the door on Halloween night, anxious to see what kind of goodies might be bestowed on me. Sometimes, the multiple wrapped ends sticking out between their fingers meant the more the merrier; other times, a stuffed Halloween treat bag meant the merriment was a mystery, but merriment nonetheless. And yet other times, there was disappointment, questions, annoyance, and general confusion: how could this happen? Who would do that? Bad Halloween candy happens, and it’s happened to the best of us. Bland, hard, bitter, unwrapped: some Halloween treats are just shameless tricks. Today, we list our top ten worst Halloween candies everrrr in a somewhat-intentional order.

10. Brach’s Candies In General

Brach's GrossnessBrach's Nougat

With the exception of candy corn (which, in itself, can be debated by some), the entire line of Brach’s candy was put in Halloween treat bags by the devil himself– or at least some dude dressed like a devil. Somebody definitely wanted to ruin Halloween when they thought of giving these.

9. Root Beer Barrels

Root Beer Barrels

Does anyone like these? Anyone? As a kid, I used to eat these in between eating my favorite pieces of Halloween candy– you know, as a palate cleanser.

8. Cinnamon Candy

Atomic FireballsNOBODY likes cinnamon candy. Atomic Fire Balls, Hot Tamales, Red Hots, you name it, they go in the garbage. Candy should be sweet, i.e., should not contain the word “hot” or “fire” in their names.

7. Good & Plenty

Good & Plenty

A cute box can’t hide the nastiness within. Reminiscent of pills, Good & Plenty might serve a better purpose as rodent bait or punishment for misbehaving children.

6. Anything Without a Proper Label

Watermelon ThingsThose unnamed candies whose manufacturers won’t even dish out the extra few cents to give their product a proper label means what you’re getting wasn’t even worth naming.

5. Black Licorice In General

Black Licorice

Show us a person who likes black licorice candy and we’ll show you someone who likes Good & Plenty and has NO idea what candy is supposed to taste like. How does something that looks like tire fragments and coats your mouth like oil qualify as candy?

Black Licorice

You said it, candy-that’s-not-really-candy.

4. Anything Without a Wrapper

Circus Peanuts

Definitely seen these given just like this.

True story: I once received a handful of Goldfish crackers in return for dressing up like a ninja. Granted I still ate them during my Halloween night trek, anything without a wrapper is just plain bogus, unhygienic, or dangerous.

3. Eggs

Cracked Egg

Another true story. Except they weren’t handed out as treats for trick-or-treaters, but rather thrown for amusement for teenagers.

2. Rocks

I Got a Rock

Yet ANOTHER true story. Imagine reaching into your treat bag to see what little sweets await your salivating mouth to find something that won’t even biodegrade. Plus, there’s that added deception of thinking your treat bag (or pillow case, if you were really hopeful) was filling up when it really just had Earth’s rejects in it. No one wants to be the kid whose Halloween played out just like Charlie Brown’s.

And finally…

1. NOTHING

Really. Giving absolutely nothing for Halloween? The worst. Worse than black licorice? Yes. Worse than eggs?? YES. At least when you have bad Halloween candy, you’ve still earned some reward. When you receive nothing for painting your face and looking ridiculous out in public, you might as well join the kid who got a rock for Halloween.

Some people don’t mind giving out cheap Halloween candy, thinking that children won’t know the difference because it’s still candy. Well, guess what, cheap neighbors? We knew. And so did you when you found TP all over your lawn. Kids are dressing up like dummies for your entertainment. Throw them a bone here– actually, no, don’t do that, throw them some good candy!

Trick or Treaters

Do they look like they want pencils?

About Super Sasha

Writer. Blogger. Editor. Sarcastic. Cool.

7 comments on “Bad Candy: Top 10 Worst Halloween Treats EVER

  1. Patricia
    October 10, 2013

    Black Licorice has a lot of heath benefits!!! Natural healers and herbalists believe that black licorice helps prevent stomach ulcers. Black licorice is often incorporated into natural weight loss supplements because it is believed to help maintain the proper level of acidity within the stomach.

    Like

  2. sharoanypony79
    October 11, 2013

    My most hated, by far are those candies that seem to split after you suck on them. Like those nasty strawberry things up there, root beer barrels or those candystriped mints. Way to enjoy your candy with a cut tongue!

    Although it’s not my fave, it’s true – black licorice is used homeopathically in a variety of ways to treat: upper respiratory ailments, viral infections, including herpes simplex virus, viral hepatitis and HIV, and skin ailments such as psoriasis and eczema. However— dot dot dot, Black licorice can interfere with some medications, such as heart drugs and birth control pills. YIKES! But FDA says these complications are found in sufferers over 40 – So eat away 39’ers!

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  3. Super Sasha
    October 12, 2013

    Granted that black licorice has a lot of health benefits, it’s not excused for tasting awful and being tossed into the same category with chocolate-covered anything. I will, however, consider trying some when I have a stomach ache next time.

    Like

    • sharoanypony79
      October 15, 2013

      haha. im guessing you’re not a fan of Ouzo then?

      Like

  4. Laura Merriman
    October 16, 2013

    The nastiest were those stinky Halloween kisses candy’s that tasted like molasses and were in those colored wax paper like wrappers….. Just about ripped your bloody teeth out they were so sticky ughh! I still shudder when I think of them!

    Like

    • Super Sasha
      October 20, 2013

      Those seriously just missed this list, so you are right on with that sentiment.

      Like

  5. Barry Wood
    February 25, 2015

    your crazy!!! I like all the candy on your list except the Good & Plenty and the black licorice and my brother like those. I live in Italy now and cant even find most of those here. hell I cant even get a real root beer let alone root beer candy. I managed to find some red hot’s like candy but like red hot’s these are mild compared to Atomic Fire Balls. other candy’s I miss are smarty’s, over here they have a candy with the same name but are more like a stale m&m’s. so try again and instead of deciding that if you don’t like it everyone feels the same ask around first. and yea I know Halloween is long sense passed but I had to set you strait after heating you attack some of my favorite candies, candies that I cant even get anymore with ordering then on line and “that’s just silly” M. Hatter.

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