Did you know that for every bottle of beer that remains unopened, a perfectly healthy puppy dies? Do your research! But then you will find that’s not true; we just love our brewskies and alcoholic libations, if you haven’t noticed from previous posts on Oktoberbest and New Year’s cocktails. And while it’s easy to pick up a tacky bottle opener from your nearest souvenir stand, you risk advertising that you actually like crap and that you support bad-quality products made with the manual dexterity of a two-year-old and the visual accuracy of Stevie Wonder. Now who’s gonna share a full-bodied craft beer with the creepy guy with this butt bottle opener? (Someone might, but more out of pity than companionship!) Join us as we celebrate some of our favorite bottle openers out there, from the clever to the lavish!
Someone once told me that once you hit your 30s, you should not need a bottle opener to open a beer. Well, some of us never learned those cool bar tricks (see video below), so something like a Wallet Bottle Opener would do us just well. Thin, effective, looks like a credit card… yea, we’re good.
Speaking of discreet, Ring Bottle Openers are about as unsuspecting as they come. Reminiscent of mullets, one half is just a normal ring, but turn it around and you get– surprise!– a bottle opener! The best part is, there’s such a large variety of these unique gifts, from wedding-looking rings to skull rings, finding one you love is inevitable. Plus, there’s that added impressive-benefit of opening a bottle with one hand! Here’s a couple of our favorites:
Do we need to say more about this? Notice the bottom of the “p” is the opener. Psshh, how did you not see that?
Munch, munch, munch! The current vampire craze has even inspired this Bite Me Bottle Opener from one of our favorite design companies, Gama Go. This bottle opener also comes with a key ring, cleverly passing as cool as a cucumber in the day, only to emerge a drunken maniac at sundown. Oh no, wait, that’s you.
Hello?… Huh, no answer or dial tone. This Retro Phone Bottle Opener reminds us of the days when secret teenage conversations had to take place in closets or after hours away from parental ears. We just can’t get enough of the vintage charm in this wall-mounted bottle opener!
Drinking alone tonight, are we? Not anymore! A Drinking Buddy is always at your fingertips. The little guy doesn’t hesitate to open that beer bottle but never takes a sip. Hey, what are best friends for!
For some, they’re a hobby; for others, just a nuisance. Now, bottle caps can also be weapons of mass delight with a Cap Zappa! Though it looks like some weird obsolete item from the 80s, the plastic bottle opener pops off the cap from the bottle and uses it as ammunition with the power of your favorite Nerf toy from days of youth! Bottle caps launch up to 5 meters (or about 16 1/2 ft) away, but don’t get too pumped just yet: the Cap Zappa will be released sometime this month, date TBA.
If you think you’re up for going old school, try your skill at opening a bottle with a lighter. Check out this video and remember: practice makes perfect!
In the meantime, open those beer bottles with a little pride, be safe with designated drivers, and most of all, choose your drinks wisely: no one likes cheap, stale beer!