Holidays at the office. The only time when even-smaller-than-small talk is encouraged, when your co-worker thinks it’s okay to babble about her cat Mittens or that weird infection she’s had, and when your boss actually seems like he might have a soul. But sometimes, you just want to avoid all that nonsense. And Halloween is no better excuse to show others your less-than-decent side. No one wants to talk to that weird guy in the workplace– why don’t you be that weird guy this Halloween?
Hate small talk? Sometimes it’s nice because it can break the ice. But sometimes, the ice needs to stay the way nature intended: cold and intact. That’s when a Dead Fred Pen Holder separates you from those normal people you work with. Who needs an old coffee mug or desk organizer when you can have a dead guy listlessly providing that function for you? No more small talk for you!
And that coworker incessantly explaining how cute Mittens looks in his witch costume? Here’s the end of that: a Splat Stan Coaster. Then you can rename Splat Stan to…..oh, I dunno… maybe Mittens? Be sure to provide a name tag and make sure you keep a straight face when she walks by and gives you the most unsettled look. Death to Mittens talk!
And your boss… the person who only allowed you one day off for your honeymoon. Make it obvious you don’t want a patronizing pat on the back or a handout with a Hanging Harry Light Pull. Maybe you could gaze up at it and comment, “Only a Foosball table in the lunch room could make me feel better…” Hey, it’s a worth a try. Have a heart, evil boss!
Hey, we’re not telling you to hold a grudge. No way! You could explain, “Hey, it’s Halloween, a creepy kinda holiday!” And you are definitely putting the “creep” in that! TSJJ7KA7D8NE